A Day as NBA Commissioner

That's right, David- I have three splendid ideas to fix your league

Every fan (and person) likes to daydream about what they'd do if they were in charge- if they were the president, the pope, the manager, the head coach, etc. It's part of life and completely within human nature for people to think about. 

The other day, I had just such a daydream. I was David Stern and I had my heart set on correcting some of the NBA's structural flaws, along with a few, uh, cosmetic changes for a few teams. Here's the NBA according Ryan. 

I. Contraction
My first order of business is to axe the Raptors, Hornets, Bobcats, and Nets. My justification for this is quite simple. The league as it sits right now is simply too big for its own good. 

1. The Raptors are Canada-based. I have nothing against Canada. But this is the National Basketball Association. And they are really not all that good. Their team is the perfect example of what an inflated league does to the bottom-tier teams. Every single one of their players should be a bench/role player on a better team. Every single one of them. Who wouldn't like having DeMar Derozan coming off the bench as a scoring 2? Or Andrea Bargnani as your 3rd or 4th big. in a Toni Kukoc (old school) or Ryan Anderson (more recent) type role?

2. The Hornets have no owner. Seemingly no one wants to buy them. New Orleans is a sorry basketball town. They don't care. The future is grim in New Orleans without a superstar. And that's too bad.

3. The Bobcats are the "South Toronto Raptors" if you will. A perfect example of what a diluted (and deluded) league looks like. 

4. The Nets were my final pick because frankly, New York doesn't need 2 teams in every major sport. I am not an East Coast hater, I just think New York should be a Knicks town and cut it right there. I don't think very many people in New York or New Jersey would care.  

MJ does not approve 

I can already imagine my commissioner's email inbox once Michael Jordan and Mikhail Prokhorov find out. Pissing off one rich guy with a huge ego is bad enough (just ask LeBron). Pissing off two, one of whom is the greatest player in the history of the sport and the other of whom might become the political leader of Russia just might get me on somebody's hit list. But that's what leaders do- they make difficult decisions when the time calls for it. That's why we follow them. 

II. Realignment 

Note: Italics indicate teams that switch divisions.
Eastern Conference
Atlantic
Boston Celtics
New York Knicks
Philadelphia 76ers
Washington Wizards

Central
Chicago Bulls
Indiana Pacers
Detroit Pistons
Milwaukee Bucks
Cleveland Cavaliers

Southeast
Miami Heat
Atlanta Hawks
Orlando Magic
Memphis Grizzlies

Western Conference
Southwest
San Antonio Spurs
Dallas Mavericks
Houston Rockets
Denver Nuggets

Northwest
Portland Trail Blazers
Oklahoma City Thunder
Utah Jazz
Minnesota Timberwolves 

Pacific
Los Angeles Lakers
Los Angeles Clippers
Phoenix Suns
Sacramento Kings
Golden State Warriors

Since I decided to contract four teams, each league would have to be evenly divided into 13 teams- two divisions with four team and one with five. When it came to ultimately deciding who stays and who goes, proximity to divisional foes was my ultimate deciding factor. I still haven't quite figured out how divisional scheduling would work, but something along the lines of what Major League Baseball did with the National League Central when it had six teams would be a good starting point. 

Since the Southwest division loses both New Orleans and Memphis, I had to pick a team from one of the other west divisions. Phoenix and Denver were the closest to Texas, but I ultimately decided on Denver as I felt they would do better to keep the conference more balanced.

My decision to move Memphis was based basically on the fact that they are the most "eastern" of the western conference's teams. (Maybe Minnesota is more eastern longitudinally speaking, but the Wolves are better suited to playing in the Northwest than the Grizzlies are, unless they were to move back to Vancouver.)

III. Aesthetic Changes

1. Move the Thunder back to Seattle, rename them the SuperSonics, forcibly remove Clay Bennett as owner, build them a new, top-notch arena (paid on Clay Bennett's and the NBA's tab), and make them publicly-funded, just like the Packers in football. They also get back all of their pre-relocation paraphernalia and history. 

Think I'm being too harsh on Oklahoma City? Think that charming, lovable Oklahoma City deserves a team as much as Seattle? Think again. Better yet, just watch this movie and tell me that the Thunder rightfully belong to Oklahoma City. 

This was by far the easiest of all of the decisions I had to make. Given the way the Sonics were STOLEN from Seattle, this would be the best form of poetic justice I can think of for the fans and people of Seattle. Clay Bennett humiliated. David Stern humiliated. The city of Seattle rewarded with a fine, lovable team that they will own and a new spiffy arena to match. That would be a great make-up present for Seattle. In reality, it would never happen, but a guy can dream. 

2. Can we please rename the Wizards the Bullets again! Pretty please? They already redid their uniforms, take it one step further...PLEASE! 

How much cooler is that logo? You know you love it....

There you have it. One day on the job, and the NBA suddenly looks a lot better. What do you think? Think I've been drinking too much? Haven't slept enough? Or am I right on? Let me know in the comments below.